| Finding a balance | |
| To find an equilibrium point in life- work n leisure, family n friends, social n personal... Still searching. Still learning. Still growing. | |
Some scribbles of thoughts Some doodles of mind Some sketches of life Some jottings of feelings |
Saturday, June 26, 2004 这是在伦敦的最后一晚. 有点仓促, 行李匆匆忙忙地就收拾了. 明天就离开这城市. 本以为会有点留恋. 但下午在银行的风波再次加深了我对英国人的反感. 不想现在记录, 免得破坏了这 blog 的感觉. 对英国人的高傲, 懒惰, 笨拙, 不懂得应变, 及自以为是的态度, 深感失望, 可惜. 亏他们还曾经是一代帝国... 刚刚在外头看到一架飞机在空中飞过, 顿然萌起了想家的念头. 呵呵又来了... 心中的期待, 越久越深. 早上买好了纪念品.. 很贵但很喜欢... 我想, 这次可宠坏了弟弟们... :-) 离开这儿, 我没有任何不舍, 更没有留恋. 这儿不是我的地方. 妈妈曾说, 一个地方适合不适合你, 凭感觉可以知道. 我的直觉告诉我, 我不属于这里. 我是一个过路客, 我会珍惜这擦身而过的缘分, 但一旦缘尽了, 我不会再留恋这个城市. 因为, 有个我向往的地方在等着哪. 伦敦, 是一个冷冷的城市. 庆幸遇到一些朋友, 让这城市有了些生命. 佛堂的, ulu 的, lse 的, 还有volunteer centre 的. 是人的因素, 才让这地方有了些人情味. 告别伦敦. 告别 holborn. 告别 Trafalgar Square (整个伦敦我最喜欢的一个地方. 每次空闲都跑到那儿呆一个下午..嗯.. 或许, trafalgar square 是我会怀念的地方吧.) 
陪伴了我四个季节的 Trafalgar Square, 听完了我的喜怒哀乐. 马来西亚, 我来也! posted at 00:57
Thursday, June 24, 2004 The past few days gave me a chance to contemplate about things, about life, about people, about myself. Realized, people normally don't stop to think. The fast pace of life is pushing everyone forward, there is no chance to stop, no chance to look back. There may be illusions as if our lives are optimized, every minute is filled to the most, but it may be the case that when we look back, we see nothing but emptiness. I once experienced this kind of feeling. Coming to London, living in a place with such exorbitant price in such a short 3 years make me determined to make the full use of every minute i spend here. I tried out things that I want to try, participate in activities that i feel belonged to, etc etc. The beginning is fun, you meet new ppl, you learn new things, you go to new environment. However, (another discovery..) things do reach their peak and experience diminishing returns. there was one point where i have reached mine and things started to lose their lustre. Diminishing marginal utility fell and I lose heart in things. Things that I once enjoyed became a routine, a mundane task to be fulfilled. the passion is gone. One thing I realized ===The factor that keeps us going on in any activity is the passion 
One lesson I learned ===Be good to yourself. Do things because you WANT to do, not because you NEED to do. 
I lose heart in so many things, at the same time. I think that time I have reached my limit. Tried to rise over the limit, but to do things that you are unable to do is just foolish. Realized my limit. known my boundaries. Learned that a person may not be able to try everything out, but he can try his best in the things that he can do. Since April, my attitude towards life changed. I try to do things that I WANT to do. And unlike before, I learned to not take people's views too seriously. Everyone has different outlook in life, and it is ME that should be in control of my life. I realized my weakness is too easily give in to help others, and i am aware that many people make use of this. This is a problem i should work on. help the needy, not the pushy ones. 
The state of mind since April has been calm, just like the blue blue sky. and i m glad it is so. there was once I was frustrated with everything - exam, societies, life. The deep contemplating during Easter really helps. Exam has passed. not much feelings actually. no expectiation, no happiness, no sadness. it is too minor compared to other things i put emphasis on in my life. backpack tour is over as well. the satisfaction gained is valuable. also, my belief that "it is the person you travelled with that matters the most" is strengtened. holiday is starting. Have been staying in London for 3 weeks, looking at friends going back. strange enough, not much feeling either. maybe because i have my own things to do. and i m glad i did them. good hunt of photos. the improvement in photography is encouraging. but still in the process of learning. still a novice. although there are so many things yet to be settled, like accommodation (MAIN PRIORITY!) n projects.. i decided to stop thinking about them for the time being. My holiday is here and i m gonna enjoy it. 2 more days and i will be back to malaysia. can't wait for it to come. posted at 11:35
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