| Finding a balance | |
| To find an equilibrium point in life- work n leisure, family n friends, social n personal... Still searching. Still learning. Still growing. | |
Some scribbles of thoughts Some doodles of mind Some sketches of life Some jottings of feelings |
Saturday, February 21, 2004 Quote: (text msg from 'home sweet home') Hi Dong jie jie, tis is you you... i'm now sick o the com is also sick liao... i wish u will come back faster bcos i lov u! you you (you you... miss u too... miss u so much.... :-( ) take care... will be back soon posted at 20:45
miss papa, mama, jia jia, you you... called home even though very tired n exhausted... just wanna listen to their voices... it's been nearly 1 week since last called back home... not like me... haha that period when waiting for new phone credit n free minutes to come in is torturing man! can't call can't message, can't do anything... no wonder so miss home... daddy n mummy went out jogging liao... so talked to brothers... you you fell sick liao... n he said computer oso sick liao.. so kesian.. he addicted to computer so now very sad... miss him so much.. felt like buying toys for him, but dunno how n which to buy... i wanna send something nice to cheer him up... very kesian when sick one... he so cute, miss me so much! jia jia seems more mature d... from the way he talked... he's actually a good nice boy... wanted new computer as our stupid old pentium (without ANY numbers yet!!! argh!) is dying soon... but considered the fact that we can't manage to get a new one, he didnt even tell daddy that computer is dying... now the whole hardisk is gone, he cant even use anything n all his data n my data n daddy's data are in there... i think he is quite sad.. since all his data especially the games n downloads n stuffs will be gone.. but dunno how to help oso... felt bad as a sister can't even give him some money to pay for new comp... instead have to burden daddy summore.. dunno how daddy is coping financially.. talked to brothers for 1 hour n then finally wait until daddy n mummy came back... they are so sweet haha.. so old still wanna go out jogging n dating haha.. purposely dun wanna wake brothers up n sneak out on their own... grandma is so active that sometimes i can't match with her haha... suddenly just heard from mum now she holidaying in phuket n not yet back.. n going to somewhere to tour after this... n her activities in her clubs n associations are so much that no one in our family can handle as much as she can... sometimes very admire grandma... miss her so much.. she's the one who encourage me to make the best out of my time... to learn new things, experiences n meet new ppl... miss her miss her.... argh!!! tomolo first aid course!!! shit i m so dead tomolo... tired!!! posted at 03:21
this is quite tiring... especially just had a great time at japanese party, but tiring... went to help out... things went on until late night... n since have to be in charge of cleaning up site n closing the event, stayed out quite late... tired! this event quite ok... but to choose, i would prefer the Jap culture nite so much more... haha... maybe it is the fact that enjoying is alwys more interesting than work.. ( shit i should not complain, should stick to my commitments to ulubuda too..) also, the group of friends that are fun to be with like RY, CB, KK they all are also not there... sad case... but nvm.. will drag them along in next monday food fair! found out YL quite bossy... she might be the next ulu president.. wow that will be very tiring working with her man... but she's a nice girl anyway... very responsible, want things to be perfect... but sometimes really think she wants too much.. that would be too stressful for her, as well as for us... hope to get to know her better thru next food fair event... she promised to help out, n hope that we can get along well, cuz think that she's quite a great person too... tired!!!! tomorow early morning till late evening wil be attending first aid course n exam.. so long never practice my first aid liao.. miss first aid much!! especially those times when we in a team train days n days for the emergency case competition, the marching competition n stuffs... still remmeber the short case n long case procedure n the commands that i m supposed to give to my team members... haha.. those were the times.. miss St John suddenly... wonder where have all my compatriots are now... wish that sometimes we can get back together n practice marching, n emergency first aid practice... together as a team, as an unstoppable force! miss LS, LC, LJ.... miss the leaders too... campfire, camping, commando training, marching, torturing, being punished, preparing for events, winning, watching SJ grow n progress... from state.. to national... to international.. still remmeber the time when we got 1st in national n international competition... that moment.. that joy... that team spirit! that family-like pasukan of sin min! alwys digress... but dun care.. as long as i m happy. :-P posted at 03:08
Japanese Culture Night 20-2-04... FUN!! tonight is a busy night... went to Japanese culture night, had such a great time there... the party is not big, but it is the people there that counts... it is the spirit of togetherness between sensei n gakusei, between friends, that matters. it is the spirit of Nihon watever.. (oops) that counts. tried out some really really nice games of japanese... their games are simple, but fun! hehe.. chopstick competition very cute! found out that my chopstick skills not that bad after all kekeke... n the gasing n the japanese 'sort-of-badminton' n the paper ball n.... totemo omoshiroi desu ne!! seeing everyone in a good mood feels good... seeing the teachers putting all their effort to make this a memorable night is even more uplifting! very admire the teacher's effort to promote their nihon culture, in overseas, in lse, to ppl that are interested... felt there is a bond between teachers n us... it's so nice to know them more through exchange of culture, n sharing of traditions... nice! if given a chance, will go to japan to have a nice vacation... haha... can ask LC n MF n WY n KB n SB n LW to bring me around... hehe can stay in their place each in turn, have to drag LC for guide, drag MF for photos, drag WY for fun, drag KB for talking... hm... miss them much... oops.. digress...anyway, this nite is NICE!!!! i i desu ne! posted at 02:26
Thursday, February 19, 2004 写华语的感觉果然很不一样... 哈哈CY看不懂... 第一次偷看不到我的mail.. 无聊... 累... 咦?还在翻着我房间?... 哈哈 posted at 23:07
脑快爆了..第一次那么累...连赶两天的功课..失去的睡眠...消耗的精神... 累得快倒下来了...闭眼就看到了'闪电'... 还要应酬朋友... 疲倦时果然无法思考... 连与朋友谈话也觉得累... 但,笑容还是要挂着...玩笑还是要开...无聊的话题还要忍受...虽然已累得想哭... 听着废废的歌,谈着废废的话,做着废废的东西,但快脑死了..累!!! 累累累.. 睡眠不足,好恐怖... 会疯的... 带来宁静的,是Forbidden Colour 那歌... 哈哈上瘾了... 要睡... 睡饱饱... 明天开始就很忙很忙了....希望别忙倒了.... 与久违了的朋友谈了40 分钟... 很开心....好久没看到他了.. 嗯..对了..给我妹妹的话...刚才很抱歉凶凶的...因为那手琏对我来说蛮有纪念性的... 与好朋友一起买的,但他现在已不在了... 还记得当时到nilai memorial park 时很伤感... 嗯,现在都过去了... 别再想过去了,对吗? CY还在翻着我房里的各角落...随他翻吧..那么八卦...好象很多东西看浆... 今天要早早睡了... 该恢复正当的睡眠时间了... 很多人都很能熬夜, 他们大概习惯了吧... 自己可不行... 健康不可再乱来了... 希望.. 回家 posted at 22:28
Wednesday, February 18, 2004 shit... i should really learn how to manage my time... stress!!! MA, ST both come together.. when do i ever learn???? every wednesday is a hell day... damn... sigh doing homework without really understanding it with the work piling up high.. i m so gonna get a nice time when exam comes.. wat's with me man... yd, inilah pasal tak buat kerja awal... die die die (hmm... a cheat code in aoe... y m i thinking of aoe at THIS moment?!??!) posted at 23:48
was a little hurt when my friend mentioned about the difference of ppl from big cities and from small towns. was wondering... do city ppl alwys look down on small town ppl like us? it seems like the 'holier-than-thou' feeling is shown by most ppl i have met... ya ya.. i may be poor n untrendy n boring n kampung thinking n stuffs... but i m still myself. maybe the difference between city ppl n village ppl is that, they lost their heart to care... everything is so realistic in life, u struggle, u survive... i wonder how long can i survive in this cold world before get kicked out or trampled... i m still an idealist.. a village ppl, who holds on to spirit of giving, and treating ppl nicely. hah... i think to most of ppl i would just be an idiot soon to be trampled under their feet... how sad the reality is. talked to the friend... n felt thankful to him too for telling me the stark truth... most of the times ppl dont like hearing the truth... it hurts. it bites.. but the truth is still the truth.. sadly enough, the truth for me is that i can't compete or survive in this cold, realistic world. i m still in my dreamland... i looked back at my previous post... was i wrong about the existence of care between ppl? was i wrong about the spirit of giving and sharing that i have alwys hold on to? is there NO way that this world could ever change for better? i wonder... posted at 02:38
Totally lost my interest in accounting.. there is VOID feeling to even look at it... so boring!! i can't believe how boring management accounting can be... maybe it is just me... or maybe it is the fact that accounting is just so dead.. or maybe i m too tired.. i need strength.. posted at 02:36
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 sometimes, the world can be very cruel... sometimes too realistic... but sometimes, luckily, i can still find some happiness in it... taking time to care about ppl feels so good... when saw housemate so down, spent the whole weekend with her... opportunity costs include other society commitments, forgone new exploration places, meeting up new ppl learning up new things... but it was worth it... feel bliss in heart. true joy... joy of just doing simple things, like talking... walking... sitting with her... it feels... calm. talked to a senior whom i alwys thought is very 'geng' n very admire his capabilities. realized he has his down times too.. work is taxing, academic is demanding, society activities are dragging him... while eveyrone thought he is a superman, he does feel insecurities n stress too... but he goes on. n tries his best. gave me much inspiration to achieve what i want. had a nice exchange of thoughts n outlook about things with him... it's nice to know someone who can share the problems n challenges with... especially when we are all wanting to make the best out of our UK experiences, at the same time face all the obstacles n constraints... feel happy that he was grateful to have someone to share his burdens with too.. will support him. from email with another friend in US.. he's oso another person who loves organizing activities like me... alwys wanna make full use of time to gain new experience, learn new things n very adventurous... another person that i salute. very happy that we talk about so many things in email... we share so much similar outlook - about life, about balancing activities, about learning in all ways... encouraing each other, sharing problems n stress... feels not that lonely in the whirl of activities... i know someone out there is striving too.... n i have other compatriats around too who are managing their life to the fullest... just talked to CA n very surprised that she actually cares so much about me... seems she has been looking out for me in YAD... checking whether i fits in well, whether i feel at home n whether i m doing ok... share some thoughts with her too... we both enjoy volunteer work a lot.. n i think that is what bring us together... after talking to her, feel a stronger belonging to YAD... still remmeber the 2 weeks of hard work to prepare for performances... the last minute practice, the blunders, the emergency,... n the joy of achieving what we want... n the spirit of sharing the work n joy with other YAD members.. i remmeber well how my piano partner n i hugged each other in utter joy after performing a brilliant piece.... i remember the atmosphere of joy when we all sang the song Tze Bei... i remember the moments we trudged in rain all the way to regent street to get the food, i remember everything... caring about others feels so good, it feels nice to being able to care again...i realized during the first 3 months i came here, i once became very detached to ppl... i miss my friends out there too much, n i care for ppl that is far away... causing me to forget that there are ppl around me that i can care about too... i was too busy caring about ppl that i can't see, but now i know that i can care about ppl that i see everyday... at ULUBUDA, very happy that all excos are very willing to help out in the event i coordinate... feel not alone in arranging n coordinating... feel the spirit of cooperation, feels the team work... feel the bonds between us.. feel the friendship... that day KC n MJ called n talked the whole night... they are like my guardian angels... alwys teaching me, giving me guidance... caring about me... concerned... they are good ppl... alwys willing to give... feel so lucky to have known them.. feel so blessed to have them caring for me... the world has love, it's up to us whether to care or not. i used to be too cautious, but now, learning to care more, i know there is unlimited capacity of care that i have as asset that i should make full use of.... life is not just about struggle.. there are ppl around that are worth caring. thanks friends... thanks so much for giving me strength to go on. posted at 02:47
next week is such a hectic week. friday is japanese culture night. at same time have to organize Interfaith forum. gotta run from 1 event to another... letih. can foresee. (but with pics yeah!!) saturday whole day first aid training course n exam. gotta renew my expired-for-so-long first aid qualification... yawn... sunday is cooking day in temple.... seems like another sunday is spent whole day there... monday is LSE international food fair... in charge of ULUBUDA vegetarian stall... argh havent prepared a detailed cost n revenue analysis to student union.... n cooking is done at my kitchen... need resources n manpower! tuesday is AGM... will run for post.. guess which? haha... wednesday another Westminster Interfaith concert. YAD performing a modern dance... help backstage... thursday friend's bday... friday... saturday another... sunday a volunteer outing to school... WAH!!!!!! i will go crazy man... how about my homework n studies? help help help... YD YD... u find for urself.... terjerat dalam minat ku sendiri.... drown.... posted at 00:38
Sunday, February 15, 2004 wat is the purpose in life? where is my destination? which is my direction? what are my aims? where have all my dreams n passion gone to? need strength, need perservation.... my dreams seem so far away.... posted at 21:09
a confront is soon to come. need to talk to my friend about accommodation and settle it once and for all. foresee some unpleasant moments and perhaps even more serious implications... dread about it.. but soon it is going to come anyway.. this weekend has been a lazy one, but kind of relaxing... spent quite a lot of time with N... kesian her.. she miss home a lot.. just now when walking along kingsway she was suddenly quiet... luckily i asked, n found out she suddenly felt sad.. tried my best to cheer her up, cuz i know exactly how the feeling was. i have had it b4, sometimes, with no reason.. n it alwys feel so sad n down.. is it the weather? or is it just me? i wonder.. very happy managed to cheer her up.. cooked for her my 'special" fried rice.. very successful~! very happy to see her smile again... ended up doing nothing much at all, shit i dun even wanna think about the reports n proposals yet to be written, tasks needed to be delegated, stuffs, equipment and food needed to be bought to prepare for the food fair, i might just as well screw up this coming project.. hm.. kind of unlike me.. but nvm just relax first... homework never touched yet... studies deteriorate a lot n hard to catch up.. yd yd wat's wrong with u... that's life... miss home, miss food... going back soon! in june... original plan to tour europe unsuccessful... money constraint, shit.... hav to turn down a friend's offer just becoz of that... how miserable.gotta save more... money money monye.... n accommodation still havent' settled...... might have to live in expensive house since the place we r looking for is quite near... bloomsbury, russell square... sigh sigh sgih tonight is a hard night... econs never do yet.... dun even know what the santa clause talking about... just burn a cd for N... just sent over some fried rice to SA n CY but SA oledi gone out. feel sorry for not being able to cook with them.. dunno how to tell her i quite busy during weekends n alwys have to eat out or come back late... who knows the cooking group might break off again? it would be quite hurtful... as i said... a bitter confront is soon to come. posted at 20:03
yesterday is a simple but happy day. spent time with my housemate N... she's such a nice girl, so humble... so down to earth... so helpful... we cooked sup daging, using malaysian spices n adabi!!! so happy miss home much... N pun sama, miss home very much... got to know her better, know about her family, haha.. we talked about how our parents used to date... her dad is in high demand! hehe... n talked about how we spent time with family.. n stuff.... just talking is so nice... showed her some of my photos... in the end we both ending up looking at photos, eating choclate n doing nothing... but simple, is nice. we r moving out together next year... air ticket pun dah promise nak beli sama... believe next yr will be a nice one.. thanks N.. a great friend u r... posted at 12:52
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